Review 'stop signs' for curmudgeons and feminists

When the description in a review lets you know absolutely positively that you don't want to watch, read, eat, or come anywhere near the item reviewed. Here are some of those gathered phrases.

Left: Sign on a 2-valium road, a notch carved out of a cliff on Taiwan’s east coast. Actually worse than pictured; it was so narrow that traffic went south in the morning and north in the afternoon. Right: Sign in a junk yard, Gowanus, NYC.

• teenagers hatch a harebrained plan to steal a bag of diamonds

• Seth Rogan

• pushes cringe-comedy to new heights

• As the bodies mount

• heartwarming

• violent, amoral, toxic-macho thriller

• strictly for devotees of degrading pranks and public humiliation

• Princess Diana

• terminally-ill teenager-in-love

• as the bodies mount

• combines outrageously bad taste, well-worn genre tropes and stylized, spectacular violence

• Campbell’s® Condensed Cream of Mushroom

• a Mercedes-Benz that has been equipped to shoot harpoon-like projectiles

• [The heroes] join their neurotic co-workers on Thanksgiving night to prepare for the Black Friday onslaught at a big-box toy store, they have no idea that alien zombies are overtaking the human race. Once the carnage ...

• the maddeningly complicated plot

• zombie (exception for The Last of US)

• based on a video game (exception for The Last of US)

• reveals/explores the true nature of ...

• Two psychopaths target a young woman

• hilarity ensues

• precocious child

• exaggerated versions of themselves navigating millennial life

• Christmas

• Free spirited

• testosterone-fueled thriller

• and turn off immediately: anything that opens with the semi-naked body of a female corpse